Monday, July 24, 2006

6 Pack at the Beach

It was a vacation. It was Hilton Head Island, SC.
The weather was great and the friends awesome. So to say I had a great time is a little predictable, if not down right redundant. So instead I will focus on things I learned.
Above all else, on this trip, I learned what is the absolute greatest threat to humanity.
We played a really great game. So fun was this game that we played it every night and the other games we brought remained unopened. The game wasLoaded Questions. One of the questions was "What do you think is the greatest threat to humanity?" Among the answers were: Iran, North Korea, Iraq, George Bush, religion, terrorism, and poverty. But the one that made me snort beer out of my nose was the most right on. I know you are over there dying to know what exactly is the greatest threat to humanity.
Well, I'm here to tell you and this is per Uncle Pat.
It is, my friends,. . .Hip Hop. That's right, Hip Hop. That booty shaking, gangsta-pimping lifestyle promoting genre is the greatest threat to humanity. Come on, think back to those bountiful Reagan years, the pre hardcore Hip Hop years, and you know that he is right. I am sure by the time our kids get to college there will be a course tracing the Rise and Fall of American Culture since the Birth Hip Hop.

During this same game I also learned that corn is an exotic food. This was again Uncle Pat's answer to the "loaded question" of "What is the most exotic food you have ever eaten?"
Of course we all laughed at that but after much thought, I have to agree. I mean you eat corn. You know you chewed it up. But then the next day, after you, uh hum, get your constitution on--and you know you look, everyone does--there is that same corn in whole kernels again. Somehow corn has the amazing ability to regroup during digestion.
What other food do you know that does that? Now whether the magic happens in the stomach or the intestines or is due to some sort of gastric-chemical reaction I don't know. That is a mystery for science. What I do know is that corn is an exotic food. Possibly the most exotic food on the planet.
While we are on the subject of poop I also learned from Livi a way to hold poop for almost indefinitely. Just in case you want to try this at home yourself here is what you do: First eat lots of cheesy poofs and avoid juice, fruit and veggies. Second, whenever you feel that "urge," stop whatever you are doing and stand up straight. Then, raise your arms above your head as if you are doing a sun salutation and arch your back slightly.
What is great about this move is that everyone around you will just think you are stretching, doing a little yoga pose. What they won't see is you tensing your butt cheeks very tightly together. And they won't know because you will be staring contemplatively into the distance--as if you are meditating and they won't want to bother you.
We learned that Carmella and Livi want to be princess sisters and can get along great.
We learned that Beau and Max do not want to be related in any way and that Beau can irritate the crap out of Max.
We found out that four kids can sleep together in a queen bed, maybe not comfortably but it is possible. We found out that buckets on the head is not just a drunk thing. And that Beau loves to "ride" the waves.
Okay, so this one wasn't a total surprise.
We learned this trip that riding bikes on the beach is a great way to entertain the kids, and the adults.

We found out that Steph can build an enviable sandcastle.

But the best part was watching the kids destroy it.
From Dee Dee and GQ I learned what it takes to be a NBA groupie-- should the need ever arise--and a whole slew of sex terms I never even knew about. Talk about huge holes in my public school sex education. Just to get you to go out and buy the current GQ issue with Will Farrell on the cover here are some the terms that may be missing from your vocabulary too: Dirty Sanchez, Dirty Rodriguez, The Abe Lincoln, Glass Bottom boat, dental dam, and many more. I am not kidding; GQ is a verified wealth of knowledge.
I also found out on this trip that kids, just like everyone else love to skinny dip. Being naked is so much fun.Difference is their butts are way cuter.

Finally, I learned that my husband's photography degree wasn't a waste after all. He took some amazing pictures.

Good trip guys! And as always, tons of great memories. Love you all.

1 comment:

  1. I think Ryan is a very talented photographer, but you are also a very beautiful group. : )