Bird-brained Dreams and Birthday Wishes

It is almost time for BeauPOOLooza V. Crazy man turns 5 on Monday and his party is next Sunday.
Beau has been talking about his birthday since the day after his birthday last year.

And he has a long list of birthday wishes. Because when you are 5 birthdays are all about the presents. Wait. Who am I kidding? Birthdays are always about the presents!

And Beau?

Yeah, he has some birthday requests.

Unfortunately it is unlikely he is going to get any of them for his birthday or, well, ever-- or at least not until he is an adult and can purchase them for himself and he isn't living with me anymore. (Please Jesus say Beau will not be living at home as a an adult).

Beau's Birthday Wishlist:
1. A Bald Eagle.
When I explained that you are not allowed to own Bald Eagles he decided he wanted a parrot. If you don't know Beau LOVES birds. He has several bird books and carries at least one with him everywhere he goes. Almost every conversation we have is about birds.

So it is really no surprise that he wants a bird. But me? I don't want a bird so we are not having one. I told him parrots were too big and way too expensive.
So then Lala told him about parakeets. They are little parrots, Beau explained to me. No, I told him. We are not having any bird. We have Lola. She is enough pet for us.

But Beau persisted with, "I want a pet of my own."

2. A Pet of My Own. Like maybe a rabbit, a hamster, or a turtle (cause according to Beau turtles don't poop.)

And again I told him no.

So he began to devise a plan to get rid of Lola.

I am going to feed her bad food, he said. He lit upon this diabiolocal plan because I have told the children that dogs cannot eat the same food as them, that it will make them sick. While some people food does make dogs sick I mostly told them this so they would not feed table scraps to the dog because nothing is worse than a dog that begs. Marlow.

Instead though, he ate Lola's food. Poor dog. She is so confused on exactly who is the dog and who is the kid in our house.

At any rate we are thinking of getting him fish. And by fish I mean a gold fish and most definitely NOT a koi pond.

What?

A koi pond?

Right, and that brings us to wish number 3.

3. A Koi Pond.
I have no idea why Beau even knows what koi pond is but that is what he asked for. Ryan said no. I am thinking that he wants one because he thinks he can fish out of it.

4. Fishing pole. A professional fishing pole.
We pointed out that he has a fishing pole. But apparently it isn't the right type.

5. Bike
Okay, so Pop and Lala bought him a new bike so this one he actually got. But he does really want a road bike because he wants to ride on the road with me.

6. Bike Jersey and Gloves.
Like me. And this one he might actually get because it is reasonable and I saw some at Roswell Bikes.

7. His own house.
Just a little one, he said. In the backyard.
And I do kinda wish I could afford that but no, he isn't getting his own house either.

8. A real 4 wheeler.
Not like the little kid one he already has. You know. The one he got last year for his birthday when he was 4 but a real adult one.

So far that is all he has asked for. And hopefully having a goldfish will make him happy cause he ain't getting any of that other stuff.

And by the way, we are at Hilton Head. So at least he is happy about that, cause Beau? Beau loves the beach. And me? I love the beach too.

Because I am Easy And Also Because I Want a Gay Husband

Just to clarify.
I want a gay husband in addition to the straight one.
Cause me?
Not only am I easy . . .
I am also greedy.
When I was first married to Ryan I told my mother in law (aka, Bubbles) that I was easy to get along with. She just needed to buy me presents.
I explained, you can buy my love.
See how uncomplicated I am?
Buy me presents.
And instantly, you are forgiven and I love you.
Easy.

And when I went to Nashville to run the Country Music Marathon in April both Fishstick and I decided we wanted gay husbands. I even called Lala while I was there to tell her I wanted one. I told her all about his beautiful and immaculate car (Fishstick really wanted his car), the impeccably decorated and remodeled house (with the original the art!), the quaintly manicured lawn, and how we went shopping. Lala was not at all surprised. Apparently, everyone wants a gay husband too. I am not unique.

And maybe Catherine can come up with a whole blog along with 10 reasons why she loves him but I only need two.

1.) He remembered my birthday.
2.) Most important, he bought me a present.

It is funny. He thinks it is about him.

But really, after what? 19 years. He should know that it is all about me.

And yes Chris, I will concede that you are the younger one but you are going to have to fight me for the prettier part.

So what was my present? A new charger for my Garmin! Oh happy am I? So VERy happy cause now I get to know how fast and exactly how far I am running. No more painfully mapping out the runs on the map my run site and then calculating the pace.
Now?
I will know.
Because now?
Now my Garmin works!

Thanks so much Chris! Perfect! But I suspect you already knew that. . .

I have to say Chris. I was actually thinking about my Garmin while I was running yesterday. I had forgotten to note the time I left the house and I felt I was running a pretty decent pace and really wanted to know what it was. I vowed while blazing down the trail that I was going to suck it up and buy a new charger. Imagine how excited I was to come home and find out I had not only gotten a present (always very exciting) in the mail but the present was the very thing I wanted.

Of course the only bad thing about all of this is that I have to turn 37 tomorrow (just when I was getting my mind around being 36.) But, then again, the silver lining, I suppose, is that everyone else still has one more day to try and buy my love.

**Peachtree Race pictures coming . . .

The talent I do not have. . .

That's right,there is acutally one.

Saturday night Ryan and I got a sitter and drove with Meme and Pat a million miles out to Cumming (Boondocks, literally, as it is near the lake.)to attend our friend Eric's 40th surprise birthday party. I have known Eric about 10 years. He is really Pat's friend from middle school but is part of the loser clan. Despite knowing him this long I have never met his parents-- or, I come to find out-- a lot of his friends. You know, different groups and I guess he keeps his separate. And I think, after Saturday, he may never mix groups again.
Despite not knowing many people I, of course, had a blast. But not knowing people never gets in my way of good time. Really, let's face it; not much gets in the way of me having a good time. When Eric's mother Edie introduced herself to me she confided that Eric hated things that put attention on him. I told her not worry because I am entirely comfortable with attention on me and would appropriately divert any attention Eric did not want onto me. I don't think she really believed me but I was, as always, true to my word. You know, that "all the world's a stage" mentality. I fully embrace it.

I made Eric's sister Dana make him a fancy hat that he kept taking off and I kept putting it back on his head.

Then we gave him a really great gift--a nose and ear hair remover and Meme also added some Prostate health herbs. I even made him card and wrote a great poem about ear and nose hair and a healthy prostate. I really think it made him feel good to know he had such great friends looking out for his prostate and embarrassing nose and ear hair. See, that's just the kind of friends we are.

A bit later at the party I was with a group of girls and I don't know how the subject came up but we started talking about what I call Meme's poker face. It is so not a poker face. Meme is always very polite and proper but you can always tell exactly what she is thinking because of her wild arching eyebrow that belies every word out of her mouth. For example Bubbles will say something like, "I am going to have Easter at my house and serve lamb and mint jelly,"gag. And Meme will say "Wow, that sounds awesome. What can I bring?" But what she is really thinking and what her one raised eyebrow is saying is: "Oh my God. I hate lamb and everybody knows that mint jelly is the most foul, green gelatinous substance on earth."

Me? I just say exactly what I am thinking because-- and I have to think it is because my face is so perfectly symmetrical that my facial muscles can't help but work so beautifully together-- I cannot do the one up, one down. And of course it annoys me that Meme has this talent so I always rat her out when I catch her making the poker face. Like, I'll say, "Wow Bubbles that would be great! I think lamb and mint jelly just sounds delicious but you know, Meme's eyebrow doesn't think so. I think maybe some roasted turkey might be nice. You know, to make Meme's eyebrow happy." That's right. I toss her under the mother-in law-bus and I have no bones about it because trust me: She does the same thing to me given the chance.

So at the party we were discussing Meme's poker face and I started asking the girls if they could do it. Some could, some couldn't but everyone's face was absolutely hysterical while trying to find out if they could. So me? I took pictures. Of everyone. And everyone obliged.
The shy birthday boy:

Ryan:
Pat:

Rachel, Eric's wife:

Other party guests:












The next day at Bubbles house-- where we celebrated Mother's Day with, Praise Jesus! Not lamb and mint jelly but hot dogs and hamburgers--everyone gave the ole one up one down a try:

The queen herself of the wild arching eyebrow, Bubbles:
Lala:
Pop:
I try again:
Nope.
Carmella:


Lola:
Little Pat:
And Beau:
Ryan, again. Clearly, the master archer.


Somehow Poppy escaped as I don't have one of him but I bet he can do it. But what I want to know is can you do the wild arching one eyebrow raise? If so I want to see proof on your blog. . .

Reconciling the Princess to the Tomboy

Carmella has always been the quinessential girly girl.

You know, as in: tiaras, all things pink, princess, Barbie, shoes, purses, make up and fancy dresses etc. And it is not that I am not a girly girl but well, I'm not. Well, I am a little bit. A teeny tiny bit but that is more because of my penchant for stripper chic than for true girliness.
And my girliness is something I grew into. Like I said, I'm still embracing the feminine.

I was always very much a tomboy as a child. From early on I did not like to play girl things. I had other tomboys as my friends or boys and we spent our time playing in the creek, swimming in the lake, doing back handsprings on the lawn, making teepees, having races on our bikes or on foot around the neighborhood. We were a ruckus and definitely were not ever playing princess or with Barbies.

So I was shocked when the Barbie switch went off early in Carmella. She went from loving Clifford the day before she was 2 to being all about Barbies and princesses on her second birthday. And since that day I have been inundated with all things pink, tiara like and flowery. As a girl who never played with Barbie or dolls this has been a bit of foreign territory for me to traverse. I mean for the past 7 years I've been raising a little girl who if she knew me when I was little would not have played with me. Girls like Carmella thought I was weird.

Okay, so last week at Brownies when the girls were to pick labels to describe their mother Carmella picked "weird." Some of the other choices were: perfect, kind, beautiful, thoughtful, loving, smart, and awesome.

Carmella picked for me: weird, creative, happy and runner.

Carmella use to ask me to play Barbies and I just really didn't know what to do so she quit asking. What can I say; I am more the type of mom who plays outside or maybe does a craft. (But not with a glue gun. Certainly not with a glue gun ever again.)

I've noticed that ever since Carmella turned six there has been seismic shift away from all things fluffy and princess.

This has been perplexing but definitely some what of relief. Let's face it, no offense to anyone but girlie girls can be a tad high maintainence and bit of a pain in the ass.

The first to go was the hair accessories. Now I am at her school and I see lots of first grade girls with hair bows or even braids and pony tails so I know that bows are not totally passe or god forbid "babyish". But Carmella refuses any hair accessory except a headband. She won't even let me fix her hair and certianly there are a lot of things I can't do but fixing hair? I'm good at that! Sigh. To me this is just a crime because I would totally be wearing bows, french braids and other fancy coifs if I thought for one second I could pull it off. Sometimes I can convince her to wear a barrette but most days that is pushing it. Certainly, no bow. Of course, if I insist she will wear one-- as she is still my compliance girl, but will take it off as soon as she gets out of the car.

I've seen her do it.

At least she is getting into hats now. I love hats.


Next to go was the color pink. She pretty much refuses to wear pink even though it does look really good on her. Secretly, I know she still likes pink. But nevertheless, she proclaims her favorite colors to be black, silver, white and light blue. Not surprisingly these are the colors of Lola. She is a girl that adores her dog.

Then it was the clothes. Dresses began to go out when she was 5 and while she does still like skirts she always perfers to wear jeans or even workout clothes. Now this is probably my fault as all I wear most days is workout clothes or jeans. But truth be told though I love dresses and skirts. Problem is that I like really short dresses and skirts. And most days of the week that just isn't practical. Especially when I have to chase after Beau. Not to mention when all the other moms are wearing sweat pants you just look a little ridiculous in your mini skirt and heels. They always ask so, where you are going and when you say "no where" they look at you like you are freak. So, you know, when in Rome. . . I will not, though. Will not concede to the tragedy of the leg: capris. shudder


I will say though that Carmella's shoe obession remains. She has to wear tennis shoes to school 3 days a week for P.E. but the other days she is often hard put deciding between clogs, sparkly flats or furry tall boots.


So for her 7th birthday it was quite refreshing to hear her gift requests: a skate board, art classes and supplies, an art bag, workout clothes and yes, still with the doll stuff-- clothes, Barbies, and Hannah Montana. Which is fine. I'm just glad to see her branching out.

Ryan and I decided that we would give her an archery set. A long bow with a 9lb pull. She didn't ask for it so I was worried that she was going to hate her gift but she is a natural and loves it.

I am so excited about this seven year old Carmella! She's a girl I can relate to! One who likes the girly and the sporty.
45/0

Labors and Love

Tomorrow is Carmella's 7th birthday.

That's right.

I have a SEVEN year old.

And this time 7 years ago I was in labor.

And Carmella?

Carmella was not easy to make but she has totally been worth all the work.

I shan't go into all the garish details in this post but to give you an idea as to why I personally just don't think that there is anything harder than giving birth at this time 7 years ago I had already been in labor for 13 hours. I think that is supposedly about the average for most first labors.

But apparently. When it comes to endurance stuff. I am an over achiever. As Carmella didn't arrive until 9:17 pm on Feburary 10th. In case you don't want to do the math that is 42 hours.

Seriously.

People run ultra marathons in less time than that.

But for their efforts?

They get a belt buckle.

Me?

I got Carmella.

Nuff said.

(In case you are wondering; comparatively Beau was more like a 10k. Walk in the park. But believe me, it is like a race that I am still recovering from. There is just no easy when it comes to kids.)

Anyway, this morning when I was out on my recovery trail run that was what I was thinking about. That my labor had started and my life was about to change. Most times when your life changes it happens in the blink of an eye but I got 42 hours to think about it. So I remember lots of details. Again. I'll spare you.

Anyway we've got parties to go to so I can't wax on about this forever.

Oh.

And today?

Today is my sister's birthday.

That's right.

Pookie is 31. She's in her thirties.

No way around it. Today I feel old. But I betcha Lala feels even older . . .

I am happy to say this week I hit my workouts as I wanted. Well almost. Close enough. Neverthelss, it was a strong week for me:
Sunday: 4 mile trail run
Monday: 14 miles in 2 hours.
Tuesday: Bike: 24 miles in 80 minutes.
Wednesday: This was a hard day. Planned was a 10k in under 45 minutes and an easy 30 minute swim. I could not hit my projected workout on the treadmill and bailed at 4 miles in 31 minutes. Did some leg weights and stretching. Then as punishment I hit the pool for an hour and swam continuous. I didn't count laps but I did count in the last 10 minutes and I got 24 laps in. So that comes out to about 2 miles maybe more maybe less assuming I averaged at least 24 laps per 10 minutes for the whole hour.
I was mad at myself for not hitting my treadmill workout so in the afternoon I went back and tried again. I hit 4 miles in 29 minutes and felt pretty good about that so I stretched and called it a day.
Thursday: 6 easy miles on rolling hills.
Friday: 21 miles @ 8:34 pace
Saturday: 4 trail miles recovery.

Totals:
Run: 57 miles
Bike: 24 miles
Swim: 2 miles
41/0

Lady Pants

Huh?
Lady Pants? Yeah, that's Ryan.
Quiet, unassuming Ryan.

Right. Ryan. My husband.

He's bringing sexy back.

As mentioned in the previous post Ryan and I attended our friend Dee Dee's 40th bash. And yes, as suspected, it was definitely "Bumping in the Burbs." The theme for the party was to wear your favorite animal print and show your wild side.

Originally, Ryan, Pat, Meme and I had thought we'd all dress as animals.
As in lions, tiger and bears.
As in Furry Fandom.
But buying such animal costumes proved quite costly.
Even renting was out of budget.
But most importantly, we chickened out.

Finding an animal print outfit for me wasn't all that difficult. But in the end all the animal print I wore was just my ugly leopard print tights. I think they make my legs look diseased. For the record, I am more of the plain black tights girl and if I do a pattern it would be in the fish net vein or maybe a seam up the black. All tone on tone. You know, in case you were wondering.

Ryan was disappointed that I didn't buy anything "animal" for him. I did look. And you might be surprised to learn that they really don't make men's clothing with animal prints. Nothing. So weird.

On the way to the party Ryan was still was upset about not participating so we stopped at Steinmart. For those unfamiliar with Steinmart it is a verified Mecca for all things animal print. It is also geared towards women in their 50's.

Okay, I don't know this for a fact but everything there looks like something my mother in law and her friends all wear or decorate their house with. I can't include Lala in this because she only wears Old Navy PJ's or workout clothes and decorates her house with things from old churches in Mexico.

Ryan scored a pair of lady pants in a cheetah pattern. Even got a shirt. $31 total. Lucky us for hitting the 14 hour sale.

When we got to Meme and Pat's we discovered that Pat had also shopped at Animal Print Mecca and purchased a zebra robe and fashioned himself ala Brett Micheal's. Awesome. Off we went.
Rolling, in the Expedition. Chandon flowing, JT Rhyming and Lady Pants thumping, bumping, he's bringing sexy back Yeah!. . .
I am so white.
So suburban.
And yet, so pimp. Here are the pictures of the party.

Me right before I do a back flip over Meme's back.Just kidding.

Ryan and Dee Dee in one of many dance offs between them. Apparently at my sister's wedding-- I mean the time when I drank shots of Petron and have gaping holes in my memory-- Lady Pants and Dee Dee busted out some moves to the "latest" JT song. Both had been practicing them at home and showcased them at Pookie's wedding.

I don't think this requires an explanation: Lady Pants and Meme Losers, 6 pack, people who stay way too late etc etc . . take 16. Finally, one shot where Lady Pants is not pulling up my dress to show my under pinnings--under trimmings which he had given me a lecture before leaving the house that I was to keep said underwear under wraps.(I'd show you a picture of me doing the aerial with said underwear not at all under wraps but Ryan specifically said no posting that. For the sake of martial harmony, you know, I obey.)

To see the rest of the pictures from the party click on the Stalk my Flicker badge in the right hand corner.