Kitty Poop

I know I have mentioned a gazillion times about Beau's speech disorder. I can't really call it a delay since what he says is actually ahead of the "average" kid his age--which is 3 1/2 by the way. He has appropriate sentence structure, uses plurals, articles, past tense and has a rather large vocabulary--when you can understand it. Not to mention, he talks. A lot.

His speech continues, although slowly, to improve. A year ago he had no syllable at the beginning of words. Then he had a syllable-- usually an h sound. Then he started putting constants, though sometimes it is the wrong one and sometimes he still uses an h sound. This is where we are today. And the good news is that he can make all the sounds he is suppose to be making-- it is just getting the right sound in the right word and in the right place that is the difficulty. And I admit that I am really bad at understanding him. I do not have a very good ear. Other people often understand him better than I do. I know, poor kid.

Okay, I promise to not explain that to you again. Just keep in mind that basically what it means is that often times with Beau? There is an awful lot of misunderstanding. And Beau? He is amazingly patient and forgiving--especially for a three year old who just wants to be understood. I mean, I know adults who throw huge tantrums when they are misunderstood. So for Beau to take it all in as much stride as he does, well, let's just say I think he is a pretty awesome person.

Here let me illustrate a sample exchange with Beau:

He just came and told me that "Lola licked my face and gave me kisses! Aw!"

Really, it sounded like "Lola hit my face and she gave me hisses! Aw!" But licks and kisses make more sense because Lola is a dog not a snake and why would Beau, weird as he is at times, think hits and hisses are cute? So I repeated that Lola licked his face and gave him kisses? And Beau, thrilled that I got it the first time, happily confirmed that she licked and kissed. See, lots of educated guess work and knowing the context are key to having a successful conversation with Beau.

Now that I have explained all that I will get to my story.

Yesterday I picked up Beau and Parker from school. And as usual they called me poopy Mommy and as usual I scolded them that they were not allowed to say potty words. Really, I don't care but they get in trouble for this at school and some other Moms get all sorts of bent out of shape and whisper behind your back or-- worse--call you at home because your child called their kid a poopy diaper head. I told my kids that they can say all the "bad" words they want in the bathroom. Of course, this has come back to bite me in the ass when Carmella said "fucking damn it" in the public restroom.

Yeah, well anyway, Beau immediately started saying "kitty poops" while we were still in the school. I quietly reminded him that we don't say "poop" unless we are in the bathroom. To which he responded more loudly and chanting: "Kitty Poop! Kitty Poop! Kitty Poop!"

I ushered the boys across the parking lot, shushing Beau who still chanted of kitty poop, and buckled them both in their seats. As I drove out of the parking lot Beau still called out kitty poops, trying it out in many different voices: sweet polite kitty poops, teeth gritting impatient kitty poops, and finally, top of the lungs punctuated KIT-TY POOPS MOMMY! All the while I kept telling him how he was going to have to have some alone time in his room and think about why we don't say kitty poop.

And then, at the stop light, I happened to glance down on the front passenger seat. That is when I saw them: the bag of cheesy poufs that my neighbor had given Beau that morning as we walked home from walking Carmella to school. The very cheesy poufs that I had promised Beau he could have after school.

There is no words to describe the all kinds of terribleness I felt as I asked Beau, finally getting it and holding up the bag, "Cheesy Poufs?"

"Yay!" he cheered. "Kitty Poops!"

I ripped open the bag and tossed it back to him. Which he judiciously shared with Parker who said he wanted 3 Cheetos. And Beau said "No Cheetos Parker! Kitty Poops!"

And Parker conceded, "Beau, I want 3 kitty poops!"