Food that is NOT Good

Recently it has come to my attention that I might need to compile a helpful list of food that is not good. The reason for this is that some of my friends unfortunately have handicapped taste buds and seem to think some things are good when in fact they are not.

I want to help them not eat yucky food. I want them to know what really tastes good and what does not but most importantly when I go to their house I want them to not try to make me eat the bad tasting food. Because me? I know what tastes good.

I am sure you are wanting to know what makes me qualified to make such assertions and certainly it isn't scientific but I am basing my superior palate on the fact that when I cook something everyone always says how fantastically delicious it is. Be certain. This isn't bragging. I do not love to cook so really I could careless if I am a good chef or not but the fact is I am. When I make something it tastes good. People eat it and ask for the recipe. Which there is not recipe because usually I made it up. Also, I have noticed that when we go out to dinner with people often times they copy my choices. Wanna know why that is? Because me? I know what is good.

So in no particular order here is my list of food that does not taste good:

1. Brussel Sprouts
Thursday I got caught in a storm while riding my bike through Steph's hood. She graciously let me wait it out at her house. But I think the whole time they were really trying to get rid of me. Why? Well because that is the only reason I can come up with as to why they kept offering me brussel sprouts. This is really pretty smart on their part.

I mean I ride up and see Doug out in his very cute and flourishing garden. I saw corn growing there--an exotic and very tasty food by the way, and other tasty pickings. There were many good tasting choices.

I call out to him and he comes up to the house and all the sudden he is like "Hi Nat! We are having brussel sprouts for dinner. You should stay!"

See how that really is an uninvitation?

I just don't think you offer something so bitter and horrible tasting to someone you really want to stay for dinner. I do feel badly that they probably had to eat the brussel sprouts just to keep up the rouse. Poor Annika and Dags. Hope they don't hold it against me. I did take the hint and left right before they ate so hopefully they just threw them out. I'd feel badly if they made their kids eat brussel sprouts just because I stopped by uninvited.

Really, I've tried brussel sprouts. Not only do they look like tiny green brains they taste even worse. Not that I've eaten tiny green brains but brussel sprouts taste exactly like I imagine tiny green brains might taste. Which is, not good.

2. Black licorice
Seriously.

This is suppose to be a candy?

I think that if you don't want your kids to eat candy you should give them licorice. They will never ask for candy again.

I shudder just imagining the taste of licorice in my mouth.

I should add under this the German cookies Pfeffernuesse. I don't think there is actually licorice in them but that is what they taste like. I think it is a crime that they even call these a cookie. If I was a cookie I would form a union and would not let pfeffernuesses in. I know that might sound really extreme but these cookies tricked me. I bought them once-- you understand, spent money on them-- thinking that they were Russian tea cookies--which is a GREAT cookie--and thought I had eaten rotten Russian tea cookies. It was a very sad and bad day for me. Even though it was 5 years ago when this happened the bitter memory is still very vivid.

3.Eggs
Yes, I know they are a very popular breakfast food but they are not good. Sorry. They smell and taste bad. Boiled eggs are the worst. They smell like sewage. Why? Why would you want to eat that? It has only been since I had kids that I can even stand to cook scrambled eggs because while I think they are completely foul tasting I do recognize that they do have some good qualities. You know, like protein. But I don't eat them. I'll feed them to my kids though.

4. Lamb
I just don't understand why people say lamb tastes good. I will concede that it does smell like it is going to taste good but it always tastes like rotten meat. I try it almost every year and it is always the same: rotten meat. Not good. Even worse is that mint jelly. Rotten meat with green gelatinous stuff on it. Yeah, that's gonna taste good.

5. Gin
Is not good. Unless you like turpentine. Why would you drink gin when you could have vodka?

6. Fish
Okay, I will give you that maybe I find fish so gross because I am allergic to it so maybe the fishy taste is extra strong to me. But it is foul. Smells bad, tastes bad. Shellfish though is good. Eat that.

7. Oysters
Okay, I know I just said eat shellfish it is good and it is EXCEPT for oysters. Seriously. People. A food that carries a risk of hepatitis is not a good choice. Besides it looks like snot and tastes like snot. And snot? Also not good.

8. Bananas
Are creepy. Bad taste. Bad texture. BUT they are good for you so if you are immune to the foul banana flavor you might should eat them, occasionally. Like in a cramp emergency or something.

9. Goat Cheese
I continually try this one but it is always so gross. Tastes like sour, turned cheese. Not. Good. Stop putting it on pizza. Ruins it.


Okay. So those are my main bad foods that people think taste good but absolutely are not. Certainly there is other stuff I don't love but the above listing I just can't understand how people can willing put this stuff in their mouths and then claim that it tastes good. Because I know it doesn't.

And for the curious, in regards to Carmella's allergy testing she tested negative for all food allergies (she is very allergic to almost all tree pollen and, like me, grasses. Which I already knew.). They didn't have a test for cashews so they took her blood (not all of it, just a tiny bit) and are testing for that and again for the other tree nuts. So we still don't know what caused the reaction but it was definitely something she ingested.

Anway, I am sure my list is incomplete so feel free to add your own list of foods that are not good.

Hot Meal

I think one of the best things in the world after a long hard run or workout is to come home and find waiting for you a nice tall pint of your favorite beer. Say it with me, now, Mmmmm, beer. . . Now wipe the drool off your lip.

The second best thing in the world is a shower.

And the third? A prepared meal.

I sometimes get number one if my workout is on Saturday afternoon or in the evenings (rarely) and most of the time I get number two. Sometimes though I have to decide between lunch or shower and depending on just how gross I am and where I have to go after getting kids from school I will choose shower over food. But most times I pick the food.

At any rate number 3, a hot meal waiting, never happens for me. Some of you are lucky in that you have wives or girlfriends that do all the cooking and cleaning so the only thing you have to worry about after a hard workout is exactly which pillow on the couch you are going to prop your foot up on.

Okay, maybe that sounded a tad bitter and I know it isn't true for all men as Wes often blogs about all the delicious meals he makes and Steph is always rubbing in on our Saturday rides some tasty meal Doug has waiting for her at home. And believe me, I am working on getting my invite to Casa de Doug. I mean really, I have-- technically but never carnally-- known him longer than Steph. That should count for something, right?

I know Wes and Doug do the cooking because they have the working wife package. Ryan has the housewife package. That means he works and does the yard and I do everything on the inside of the house. But you know, even way back when I use to work--before we had kids --I still did all the cooking. And that is because he can't cook. Well, technically he can but it involves a lot of hand holding and directing on my part so I might as well do it myself. Honestly though, what it really boils down to is that I am a pretty good cook--Carmella even calls me a "chef". So it just makes more sense that I prepare the tasty meals rather than Ryan do it and we have to eat something barely edible just because I am too tired to cook. Of course that might prove a really good way to lose weight . . .

I do try to simulate the hot meal waiting thing by doing some preplanning. On days I do long runs I try to make life simple. My energy level after a my late morning 3 hr run tends to wane throughout the day and by dinner I am of the mindset "let's just order pizza."

Nothing wrong with pizza but I like to save pizza night for the weekends when I really don't want to cook. So usually after a long run I make my specialty and I thought I would share it with y'all.

But first, let me give you my after long run lunch. Let's say I just finished running 22 miles. I come and pour a big giant glass of OJ and run an ice bath. While the tub fills up I throw a bag of Success Boil-in-Bag Brown rice, cup of frozen peas, cup of chopped carrots, cup of frozen baby lima beans, and teaspoon of crushed garlic in a pot. Fill it with water and set it on the stove to boil. Then I go and muster the ice bath for as long as I can and then take a quick hot shower. Dress and come down stairs and viola!; lunch is ready. I drain and divide it in half--saving the other half for next day's lunch. I add some fresh chopped tomatoes, sea salt, cracked pepper, tsp of olive oil and 1/4 cup of mozzarella cheese. Then I inhale it.

Okay so that is my favorite after run hot meal. I know it probably sounds yucky but it is really good.

But my specialty is a Pot Roast. Anyone who has had it will tell you it is very very yummy.

Here are your ingredients:

A Roast (the mooing kind) (2-3lbs, any cut will do-- go for cheap. Do not spend the big bucks. Get what is on sale. Generally it is around $2-4 a lb.)
flour
salt
pepper
Olive oil
2 tsp garlic (crushed/fresh is ideal)
Can of beef broth (14 oz)
3 bay leaves
2 tsp Italian seasoning
1/2 med sweet onion- coarsely chopped
baby carrots
8-12 red potatoes halved or quartered--depending how big they are
*Dutch oven. You can use a crock pot but then you will have to clean 2 dishes.

First step. Get rid of your assistant:

Next salt and pepper meat. Rub a little garlic in there too. Roll in flour.

In dutch oven, on stove, heat a tbsp of olive oil. Brown meat on all sides. Add garlic, onions--let saute/soften. Add the can of beef broth, Italian seasonings, and bay leaves.

Arrange carrots and potatoes around roast.

Cover roast, carrots and potatoes with water.

Bring to a boil on the stove.

Now you can either transfer it to a crock pot at this point or pop it in the oven. I usually put it on 300 degrees and leave it in there for 5 hours. You can cook it longer; you will just need to check to make sure there is still some liquid in the pot--you want to have some of those juices--there should be about a 1/4 of what you put in left. If not, add a little more water and turn the heat way down.

Do not even bother to make this if you can't give it 5 hours. It won't be good.

Your end result will be the most delicious melt in your mouth meat. I serve it with steamed green beans or broccoli and some of that tasty Boil-in-Bag brown rice. I put a little bit of butter, salt and garlic in the rice.

You will have left overs. Left over are great for tacos the next day or BBQ sandwiches. You can also "re fry" the potatoes in olive oil if you have a lot left over.


And yep, still a streaker. Nope Wes, not the naked kind. Maybe in the summer. Too cold right now.

16/0

Today's workout was a 10 miler. One of my Team Tough Chicks compatriots alerted me to the possibility of compartment syndrome in regards to my calf muscle issues. My right calf seems to have taken to the muscle the come to Jesus conversation we had with some ice, massage and stretching last night. Lefty, of course it is the sinister one!--seems to be holding out again. The pain is gone but on the uphills today I was feeling it get tight again. So I took it easy, cut the run by 4 miles and walked the steeper parts of the uphills. I sprinted the flats though. Lefty seems to be coming around.

Let's Talk About Sex

Baby! Let's talk about you and me.

Let's talk about it. . .

Just kidding, let's talk about food instead. Let's talk about all the good things to eat at a wedding.

Word.

I just think you cyberends (Internet friends) were so super to help Lala pick her dress and I thought that maybe you wouldn't mind being of assistance with the wedding menu too. Lala is meeting with the caterer this week and I think it would great for her to hear what are some of your favorite wedding eats.

Here, in case it helps, are the details of the upcoming soiree: the wedding is at 7:30 pm in-- as Rae recently coined--the Wedding Meadow (aka The Goat Memorial Garden's, aka, Lala and Pop's front lawn) and then the reception is immediately following at Lala and Pop's. There will be about 150+/- people and it will be a buffet. Reception is inside the house and on the front and rear terraces. There will be tents in case of inclement weather. Lots and lots of candles.

Okay, now that you have the details in mind tell us first what you like to see being passed around on trays while you enjoy cocktails and socialize on the terrace--maybe dance a little. We have discussed low country shrimp, crab cakes and spanakopita.

Thoughts?
Opinions?
Suggestions?

What about the buffet? Pastas? Carving station? We are leaning towards a honey glazed pork loin but other options are turkey or a beef tenderloin. Your thoughts on meat on a stick? What about salmon. Veggie suggestions? Cheese, olive and bread tray? Fruit?

Com'on! Let's hear it. I know that unlike ladies dresses food is something everyone has an opinion on.