Monday, April 03, 2006

Margaritas: Mommy's Pleasure is Mommy's Guilt

Margaritas always seem like such a great idea til the next day. . .

I paid for yesterday's pleasure with today's guilt: Sure those margaritas I consumed on the patio at Pure were absolutely divine and it was fabulous to spend a lazy afternoon chilling and chatting with family and friends but I just don't like how it completely sucked the life out of me.

I have been an absolute waste today. On any given day I do about 10,000 things before noon. But not today. After this morning's Potatoes all I did was read All is Vanity. To be honest this book gives me little pleasure to read. It annoys me. I am identifying way too much with the characters' flaws. And it isn't just one character or one flaw: it is ALL of them. I just don't like seeing myself all splayed out in the pages of fiction like that, especially fiction I didn't write.

So I sat outside--only because Ryan commented to me that I should take the kids out since the day had shaped up to be beautiful and breezy-- and read while the kids played; getting up periodically for the requested snack or glass of water or to rescue a lost shoe. Later, while Beau napped and Carmella made collages, I read and gave artistic direction from behind the pages of the book.

I did manage to go to the store, fold one of the 3 baskets of laundry I need to do and, of course; fed and bathed and cared for my kids. Late in the afternoon guilt seized me and I went to the gym. I didn't want to go and tried to talk myself out of it. I am thankful I have one virtuous habit that prevails in the face of idleness and sloth.

I also showered today but I only did that because Beau and Carmella were calling me stinky pants. After reading about my shortcomings all day I agreed that I did reek and that a bit of body bleaching might be in order.

Although I am clean, I still feel like the worst person/mother/wife EVER. Just LAZY and I hate it. I detest sitting around and doing NOTHING all day. I know everyone needs down time but I just don't believe in it. It makes me feel so damn GUILTY.

And isn't it odd that I don't feel guilty about yesterday? When I think about it, technically, I accomplished more today than yesterday.

I guess yesterday just felt better: Must have been the margaritas.

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