Saturday, September 06, 2008

The Age of Awkward. Does it have an end?

My good friend Dogwood Girl is always posting embarrassing pictures of herself and dared us to find a more embarrassing picture. I, of course, have many to choose from. But as I told her I went through my awkward stage much earlier than everyone else. However, it could also be argued that I am still in it.

Today I had plans to ride bikes with my Dad and ditch the kids with Lala. So while I waited for Pop to get his crap together I searched through Lala's very technical and highly organized picture filing system (read: in boxes and stuffed in drawers all over her house) for some awkward pictures of me.

I was disappointed that I couldn't find my 3rd grade picture where I wore my Brownie uniform for picture day or the 7th grade one where my hair is perfectly feathered and I am in one of those huge arched wicker chairs. But I did find some others and what stood out most to me in the pictures is that Lala clearly had given up on the battle of what I wore and how I fixed my hair for school pictures when I was in kindergarten.

Either that or she just really enjoyed laughing at me.

Shall we visit me as a kindergartner? Let's.

First, you should know I was kicked out of my first kindergarten school. It was a Montessori school. The Methodists apparently thought they could handle me.

Okay. So guess which one is me.

Hint: I'm the girl with her panties showing. No surprise there.

I couldn't find first grade but I found my second grade class picture.

I remember in 2nd grade they were still trying to figure out ways to deal with my ADD. Apparently the Ritalin wasn't enough because sometimes they would put this huge tri fold cardboard divider on my desk top so I wouldn't be so "distracted" or, you know, distract others. I know that they tried to bring me down with that divider but it didn't bother me in the least. I would just lift it up and be silly with it and say to my desk neighbor: "Boo!". The divider, in fact, proved to be more of a distraction.

Okay, can you guess which one is Nat?
Why I'm the one all decked out for Christmas with her white patent leather Mary Jane's.

As I sifted through the pictures today I noted that around age 7-8 I definitely thought red and green were a fabulous color combination as I had many outfits like that. Most had my pants tucked into a pair of tall boots. Tall boots tucked in pants or really just tall boots seems to be a life long affinity for me because I found pictures from second grade through, well, now of me in tall boots.

Okay. This one is 4th grade and this is the one I was telling Anne about. This is my most awkward picture ever. I am 9 and I have braces people. And I think not only did my mom let me fix my own hair I think she also let me cut it myself. I mean can there be any other reason for those bangs? Seriously. Yes, I have a big 5 finger forehead and all but that looks like it starts at the center of my head. That is a wall of bangs.

Here is 5th grade.
Little better. Note the braided barrette (and crooked part, again, fixing my own hair!). I was all about those. Had tons of them. I was into the preppy. From 4th grade until 6th grade I was all about the polo and designer jeans. Remember. I swam for them. This is the fruit of my laps. (the discoloration is on the photo, not prized polo)

And see, by middle school I think I am less awkward. Still hideous but better off than I think a lot of people were in middle school. I mean, I was done with braces, I wasn't tall or gangly, I didn't wear glasses etc. I was short (barely 5 ft but grew 4 inches when I was 14 and then one more at 19) but I was lean from all my swimming (started high school weighing 88 lbs), my teeth were straight (though apparently I was still losing baby teeth) and I didn't have acne (that happened as an adult). Worst thing I had going for me was that I wasn't totally proficient with the curling iron yet and used way, way too much hairspray. But you know, if you spent an hour everyday before school curling your hair you wouldn't want it to move either.

And that not moving hair thing kinda stayed with me until I graduated high school.
Then you know I went to college and had to start paying for my own hair spray. And when it came down to beer or hairspray I picked beer. Besides, all those guys I was curling my hair for were now beer goggling so it totally didn't matter what my hair looked like.

Final note. Seeing that senior year picture reminded me that it was taken a few days after I had gotten out of the hospital from breaking my pelvis. In fact, at that time, I wasn't usually curling my hair. I had been wearing it straight, you know trying to wean myself off the hairspray. But after being in the hospital for 3 weeks I was kinda wiped out and not so into doing my hair or make up. So for the picture my mom fixed my hair and that is why it is curly. I think she even did my make up and that is why I don't have as much on ( I liked my eyeliner back then).

So in thinking of that I went and found the only picture of me with the halo brace. Once you get over the shock of my friend Gina's hair look at my hips (I'm the one straight hair btw). That metal was screwed into my hip bones for 6 weeks. It hurt like shit. Trust me on this. Don't ever break your pelvis.

So like Dogwood Girl, I challenge all to post their awkward and embarrassing pictures. I've got more of myself (and others) so when I get around to it I'll scan those in too and post 'um.


  1. OK, I totally win in the awkward contest. You don't have nearly enough nose and no glasses. And no flower shirt where your head is supposed to be the flower.

    I guessed right in the first photo because you look just like Carmella. And 4th grade, like Beau. : )

  2. I just knew one day, far into the future, all those tantrums you pitched about clothes would come back to bite you. ha-who would have known instead of embarrassment over your color choices and not so correct shoe choices (I know those white shoes had to be on your feet after labor day), YOU WOULD BE POSTING YOURSELF ON THE INTERNET! Lala

  3. soooo much to say... I think I will write my own post instead...

    I will have to dig thru some stuff first, so keep an eye out for it...

  4. OK. I'm like, totally restraining myself. Your daughter looks so much like you. It's incredible :-)