Socks

I can't take it anymore.

Every morning.

Wait.

Every day I devote way too much of my time searching for socks.

Socks for Beau.

Socks for Carmella.

Socks for Ryan.

Socks for me.

I find socks. But inevitably they aren't same style, color, or size. I've even tried only buying just white socks but not all white socks are the same. But in pinch it will work. But some days, seriously, I can't even find 2 white socks to put together.

Worst is my Asics Hera socks. I love, love, these socks. They cost $8 a pair and I must have bought at least 10 pairs over of the past year. $80 in socks. Can you imagine? There is a right sock and a left sock. Even labeled as such for arch compression. It is so maddening. Some weeks I can only find left Hera socks. Other weeks it is only right socks. Never mind actually having the same color Hera socks. . . (Hmmm, possibly what is wrong with my feet is from running with two left socks, or right. The compression might be that powerful. . .)

We buy socks at least monthly. Always in packs of 10, or at the very least, packs of 3 for fancy designer socks (read for Carmella). My mother in law is always giving the kids socks.

We should have a sock surplus!

But yet, I can never find any.

Every day I make an exhausting search for socks.

If I am ever late you can bet it was because I was sock searching.


Please, for the love of Pete what is happening to all the freaking socks?

Is there a secret sock vortex? Yet another great mystery of the universe sitting somewhere off to the left of that 10th planet? Is that where all the socks go?

Okay. I will concede this:

We have a dog.

Her name is Lola.

She is not a show dog.

She is a husky. They are, a little weird.

Most dogs do stuff like chew on your shoes, your furniture, the molding, a rug etc.

Our dog?

She has a sock fetish.

Clean, dirty, mine, Ryan, the kids? Doesn't matter she eats all socks. I've even caught her stealing them out of the laundry basket. She swallows them whole. I know this because I often find vomited whole socks--always greenish, putrid yellow in color. I throw those out.

But really, she can't be eating that many socks. Can she?

For Christmas?

We want socks.