Satan's Mama

A few years ago I wrote a post about the evil that falls upon us in March of each year.

Well, guess who is Satan's Mama this year?

That's right I am. And I am the evilest of evil. I am the Cookie Mom.

A few words.

Samoas . . .


Tagalongs . . .

Thin Mints . . .


Carmella and I will be available to meet all your Girl Scout cookie needs.

Cookie sales will begin next Friday, January 18th.

Unfortunately I am not permitted to actually sell cookies over the Internet but if I know you; you better buy some cookies from Carmella. And if I come to your house and find that you have purchased cookies from someone else, well, there will be trouble; remember, I am Satan's Mama. I have powers.

With all these cookies that are going to be taking up space in my garage-- tempting me--well, thank goodness I am streaking. 11/0.
Today's workout:
3 miles at marathon pace on the treadmill: (mile one 8:30, mile two 7:00, mile three 7:50 and a 1/2 mile walk cool down to get me to 30 minutes)
30 minute continuous lap swim
Gearing up for a 20 miler tomorrow.

Taper Methodology by Nat: Cookies, Kids, Wagon and Dog workouts

Follow these tips and you too will find yourself stronger come race day!

Sorry about the lack of posts. I have been way too busy these past few days eating cookies to blog much. Plus I was thinking that maybe my consumption--aside from a little embarrassing-- might be a tad boring. But the good news is that we have broken into the last box of Samoas. Tagalongs and Thin mints still remain but those I have no problem resisting so the posts about the cookies should be waning soon enough.

I admit it. I am no good at the taper. I never know what to do and training pretty much falls apart. Basically I just cut out the long run the last 2 weeks before a marathon and just do the runs I like to do at a comfortable pace or whatever the hell I feel like doing. I did go look at my Advance Marathoning book for Petey's suggested taper and yeah, well, I'm not going to do that. So here is how I have tapered so far this week:

Sunday: 2 1/2 mile walk with the kids and Lola. I know that doesn't sound like much or worth mentioning as a workout but I count it because when I go for a walk with the kids I end up carrying Beau on my shoulders for part of it while Lola pulls me in every direction. I "wear" her via a leash wrapped around my waist so I am hands free for the kids but my whole body gets twisted and tossed around as a result. It really is quite a workout since I am always so exhausted after one of these outings, physically and mentally.

Monday: 6 miles in 48 minutes

Tuesday: 10 miles in 81 minutes. In the afternoon I pulled the kids in the wagon-- little over a mile but it was hard as shit. See how when you are mom your training is a little less traditional? I am thinking that in that last 5k of the marathon when I am running up some hill on Peachtree I will be reminded of trying to run up the hill in front of my house while Beau and Parker scream at me to go faster and I will remember how I survived, preserved and conquered that hill. Peachtree? Well, let's just say that I happen to think the marathon will prove easier. I'll let you know how this comparison plays out.

Wednesday: 10 miles in 88 minutes in the morning. Did the elliptical for 35 minutes at the gym in the afternoon. Thought about doing weights but didn't. And here is an example where the thought does not count.

Thursday: 6 miles in 52 minutes.

Friday: 5k in 21:09 on the treadmill. I think that is the fastest I have ever done a 5K. It felt great and probably should have been faster. I really think in a race I could get that under 21 minutes. I started running on the mill at 7:45 pace but it takes a while for it to get there so I lose time. Then I pushed the pace through the run and finished at 6:15 pace. So a negative split. Then I ran 2 more miles and finished the whole run in 38:22 so not a negative split there but that was just cool down. Did a few weights and found that I have grown weaker. The 15lb dumb bells felt heavy after just a few reps. Generally I can get through a couple of sets before they even remotely feel heavy. Sometimes this happens because I am just worn out but I think yesterday it was because have been bad about doing weights lately and really am weaker. Whatever the reason--tired or muscle loss-- I don't really care as I can get my upper body strength back after the marathon fast enough. However, I am looking leaner up top so maybe I don't want it back. I like looking like a weakling. Last summer my sister commented on my "guns" and asked if I was "tossing Ryan around." Who wants to look like they can toss their husband across the room?

Saturday: I don't know yet. I am going to finish my coffee and call Lala and Pop and see if they will watch the kids so I can go do a 7 or 10 mile run. If not I guess I will go torture myself on the treadmill for a shorter distance and maybe try the weights again. Or maybe I'll go real crazy and do a yoga class. What I do know is that I will be eating a Samoa or two before I do anything else. They seem to be helping.

PS. Good luck Charlie!

More on Nat getting Fat

Funny--not funny ha ha but funny peculiar-- how the only thing tapering is my running and caloric burn.

My waistline?

It is in a reverse taper.

So, yes, those damn Girl Scout cookies arrived. The neighbor girl had come by in January on a day I had done a long run. On a day that willpower and worries of getting fat were far from my mind.

I asked, maybe a little too eagerly, when they would arrive. March, she said. And I don't know why I was thinking they would get here before the taper. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Neighbor girl called last week asking when she could deliver them. I returned her call and left a vague message that I am home most days in the afternoon but sometimes I am not so she should call before she comes by. Then I made an effort to not be home and not answer the phone.

That bought me 6 days.

But yesterday was such a nice day so Beau and Parker (Parker's Mom and I carpool now--her morning, me afternoon-- and he is over here now twice a week for a play date) walked up to the school get Carmella and her friend Abby, who was also coming over for a play date.

And when I say we walked I should clarify and explain that I walked and pulled Beau and Parker the 1/2 mile, uphill, to the school in the wagon and then back home. All the while they yelled at me to go faster! I did the best I could but running up hill pulling a wagon with what, I don't know, 80lbs? Ain't all that easy.

On the way home we ran into neighbor girl who asked if we would be home today.

Yes.

Can she bring the cookies by?

Sigh, if you must. I mean, absolutely!

So she brought the cookies. And I, of course, immediately tore into one of the 3 boxes of Samoas. And after inhaling 3 cookies I remembered the children in my backyard.

I called them all in and thrust 3 cookies in each of their dirty little hands. They all looked at me baffled and disbelieving their good fortune. I could tell from their stunned silence and side ways glances that in each of their little minds they were wondering if this possibly could be the same woman who only 30 minutes before brought them a snack of apples, carrots, pretzels and peanut butter finger sandwiches. Testing if I really was still Miss Nat they all asked for another juice box. I told them that was too much sugar and gave them all water. Quickly, almost too quickly, they all readily accepted the water and scattered outside to inhale their cookies on the swing set before I could come to my senses and snatch them back. Watching them, I had another cookie.

One box of Samoas almost gone. Two to go.

The really sad thing about all this is that I am trying to control what I eat . . . and failing miserably. It seems like the more I think about not eating the more I end up eating. This is why I never diet because dieting means I gain weight.

So yesterday I was off to a good start:
Breakfast: Bowl of Uncle Sam's cereal with skim milk. Coffee. Couple glasses of water. Glass of OJ. Most days I have a cookie or 2 after breakfast but yesterday I was good and refrained.

Ran 10 miles.

Lunch: An orange, cottage cheese and lots of pretzels. Green tea. More water. (And yes, I do spend much of my day peeing.) Oh yeah, the chocolate chip cookie I skipped at breakfast I had now.

Generally for lunch I have something pretty substantial like a bowl of pasta with veggies and shrimp or a salad with grilled chicken or rice and beans with cheese and tomatoes but in the taper I trying to go lighter, trying to eat less. . .

After lunch I had to go get the boys. I got them ice cream on the way home. I had to. Why? Well, they screamed. And yes, I totally regret having just last week taught them the "I scream and you scream for ice cream" song. They took it much too literally. But they were good on our post office and bank errands. I was good too and had no ice cream.

See how I was strong and resisted temptation there?

See how I was doing okay until the cookies came? It is the cookies fault.

Dinner: Spaghetti with turkey sausage, bread and a salad. Not terrible but not great. Oh yeah, and red wine. I don't even try to cut out my wine.

And today, you ask?

Well, same as yesterday's breakfast but I did have a Samoa. Someone has to eat them you know.