Pet Peeve

Oh, surely I have many but on facebook my friend Lin asked today "What really annoys you?" in his status update. Of course, probably not unlike most people, a lot of stuff annoys me. Some stuff more on some days and then on other days I can be pretty mellow about most things.

No really, I can be.

Believe it or not I've actually had people describe me "as laid back." I know, I too just assume those people--the ones who think I might be laid back-- are really bad at reading people. But, I'm just making a point that, I--moi-- have come across as laid back. That there are apparently some people in this world that think of me as easy going. And to me that suggests that those people--the ones who think of me as "laid back"-- probably think I don't get annoyed about much. And of course, they would be wrong. But again, I think we already agreed that these were not the most astute people ever anyway.

Wait.
Did you see that?
Did you see how I was sort of polite about basically calling some people stupid?


Wait.
Was that annoying?
A little?

Well, truthfully I too find that annoying but I am use to it. It is a Southern woman thing after all. Southern women are awesome at insulting someone in such a way that it sounds exactly like a compliment but really what just happened is that they called you a slut when they said "You are such, a (insert thoughtful seeming pause) free spirit."

Right, I know. I'm not really all that good at it and admittedly I am often tricked by it too. This is why I avoid ladies luncheons and anything that involves a committee of women. You know they are speaking English but you are never sure what is really being said because it is smushed under some pleasant adjectives and said in polite and syrupy voice. But one quick trick in helping you decode the intention is be on the look out for conversations that start with "Bless her heart". You hear that and just know that something unkind is about to be said about someone.

Okay but that isn't what really annoys me. I know, the whole tangent thing I do can be very annoying. I can't help it. I just have so many useless things to convey! I would hate for you to miss one single thing. Do you know my nickname is Pooh? No? Well it is and there really is a Tao of Pooh and all I am saying is that later? There might be a quiz. So yeah, all these tangents are key information. So pay attention and don't skip ahead.


So anyway. . . as soon as I read Lin's question I KNEW what really, really annoys. I mean, this is something that never fails to annoy me. More so than when someone nearly causes me to rear end them when they pull out in front of me and then proceed to drive 10 miles under the speed limit. More than that.

My number one pet peeve is the cult of the little dog. And maybe this is just an Atlanta thing, or a northern suburb thing but it seems like every single time I am in a TJ Maxx or Target or Trader Joes there is some woman--and no it is never the same woman--in there with her little scraggly haired with bows lap dog in a shopping cart. And no, it is not the same dog. Just the same type of dog. You know it: the little dogs, the lap dogs. The ones with an outfit on and a froufrou hair cut and most likely they have that nasty black stuff under their eyes that little dogs all seem to have. More often than not the little dog is sitting on a pillow.

To be clear. I don't have a problem with people owning these types of dogs or wanting to dress them up or fix their hair (you know some people put colored streaks in their dog's hair?) or essentially treat them like a child. I don't even mind little dogs. I don't want one for myself but little dogs aren't the problem. I've decided that what I really have issue with is the women who own these dogs and treat them like an accessory to their outfit.(I have NEVER seen a man out shopping with his little dog and I have yet to see anyone pushing their Boxer or Golden Retriever dressed up in a shopping cart at Trader Joes.) I don't understand why they think it is okay to bring these dogs where it is totally inappropriate to have an animal. Aside from a service dog I can not find a single reason at all why you would take your dog to shop for clothes or groceries (or, for that matter, why you would want to.)

It is totally obnoxious and presumptuous to bring your dog into a clothing or grocery store and subject people who maybe don't want to be around dogs to be around dogs. And don't even try the "I feel the same about your loud and wild children in public" argument. No way. Not the same. At all. Unlike a child you can leave your dog unattended at home. You can even put them in a crate. My understanding is that DEFACS has some issues with crating children so that is not an option for parents like it is dog owners. Also, some people are highly allergic to dogs. People, while highly annoyed by children, are never allergic to them.

I am so tempted to dress up Lola and put bows in her hair and put her in a shopping cart and peruse the racks at TJMaxx. Wonder what would happen? Forget that it would be totally impossible for me to sneak my 60lb husky under my jacket and quietly squire her into a shopping cart as I imagine the little dog ladies do. I am fairly certain I wouldn't make it cross the store's thresh hold with Lola. Pretty sure if I show up with Lola at Trader Joes, or any store other than Pet Smart, we would be asked to leave the moment we entered. And I think if they wouldn't let me shop with my big dog then that would be discrimination if they are allowing customers with little dogs to shop with their dog. I mean, come on! What about the shopping rights of big dogs and their owners? Certainly, as a US citizen, nothing should annoy me more than discrimination!

And I guess maybe that is the crux of what annoys me about the cult of the little dog, or rather their female owners. These women, in toting their little dogs everywhere with them, suggests to me that they believe they are above the rules. That smacks of self proclaimed elitism and elitism-- especially unearned and assumed-- is always distasteful to me: always, annoying.

Feel free to list your pet peeve.

Dear Asshole in the shiny red truck,

I am fairly certain the make was a Dodge. Your license plate started 880 and I'm not certain of the rest but I think it was XLD. You have a Cherokee tag. You are a white overweight man in your 50's or 60's.

I saw what you did to those two cyclists on Trickum Rd today. Your were absolutely breaking the law and had I had my wits about me I would have called the police and reported you. You, at the very least, would have been charged with a misdemeanor but possibly a felony for using your vehicle with the intent to murder. I think that is what is called aggravated assault.

Because what else could have been your intent when you raced up on the those cyclists--one in a bright blue jersey and the other in a yellow jersey that said ACDC? They were both cruising along at fast clip--probably 25mph and the speed limit there is only 35 but I can tell that you didn't care about that since you were obviously in a hurry--as that can be the only reason I can figure out to why you were not only speeding but driving so aggressively. I mean, the cyclists were within their rights and were obeying the traffic laws: they were on the right side of the road-- I'll concede, possibly a little to the middle but the road there is uneven and it is their right to ride to the middle when the road presents a hazard for them. So for you to gun it and swerve as if to hit them and then cut quickly in front of them, well, I just don't think your intent was anything less than to cause them to wreck. Very lucky for you they didn't since not only was I a witness but so were the other 2 cars in front of me.

And I personally think you should consider yourself very lucky that when you got stopped at the light--which I am sure pissed you off even more-- and the two cyclists caught up to you that they only gave you a "talking to".

I could see, from where I sat in the left turning lane, that they just wanted to educate you on the State of GA's traffic laws-- as it was quite apparent from your behavior that you have no idea what they are. And while I couldn't quite hear what your response was, I can guess it was that you didn't give a rat's ass what the law is since the cyclist, in response to whatever you said (and I know it wasn't nice since I saw finger pointing on your part), yelled "It is the law!" And then threw water all over your pretty leather seats (to which, admittedly, I chuckled at).

But honestly, you know, what I think they should have done was pulled your ignoramus ass out of your shiny red truck and splayed you out across Hwy 92 to see if you liked playing chicken with cars.

So in case you have any confusion Mr.Ignorant and ill-informed driver here is a little pamphlet you might want to read. It has all these laws in it and the most important one you need to note is that cyclists have all the rights to the road as a car does.

Signed the girl in the car 2 back from you who saw the whole thing. This is your warning. Bastard.