What to do What to do?

Help me decide. Please.

Thursday, Thanksgiving, November 22 is the 2007 Atlanta Marathon and Half Marathon.

The Atlanta half marathon was the first race I ever ran. That was 9 years ago. I'd only been running for six months. It was a huge accomplishment for me and I loved the challenge. Not to mention it was just the thing to stave off that holiday weight gain.

And I've signed up every year since --except in 2000 when I was 7 months pregnant with Carmella. I missed it in 2001 because I woke up race day with a chest cold and it was pouring rain. I ran it in 2002 6 weeks pregnant with Beau. In 2003 I trained and registered but ultimately decided not run since I was nursing an infant every three hours around the clock. Sleeping seemed more important at the time.

I have run this race in rain, wind, sunshine and freezing cold.

It is my favorite race.

In 2005 I decided to step it up since I was not seeing improvements in my times. I trained for and ran the Atlanta full. It was my first marathon. Needless to say this race is important to me and I plan on being there next Thursday whether it is for the half or the full.

But really I want to do the full.

Yes, I know, I just ran a marathon 10 days ago. I've recovered from that. I ran 10 miles totally pain free on Thursday. Sprinted out the last part of 6 miles uphill on Wednesday. I've run all week except yesterday and probably won't today. And that is because I seem to have caught the kids' cold. I feel pretty sure I will be well by Thursday but I am resting, taking it easy just to be sure.

The other reason I want to run is because last year Thanksgiving became the saddest day my family has ever experienced. Last year when I ran the half I ran crying; thinking of my nephew at Children's.

I tried to make deals with God that day. I tried to make deals with Evan. I told both of them that I wouldn't quit, I wouldn't ever quit because he, Evan, couldn't quit. Considering my lack of sleep, coming off bronchitis and my heavy heart I actually ran a good race. But it didn't matter. God wasn't in the mood for making deals with me that day and we lost our little Evan.

So Thanksgiving will be a painful and sad day. And I plan to run, sick or bad weather, to remember my nephew. But just like how 3 years wasn't enough I don't think 13.1 is enough. I think I owe him more of my mind that day. Not to mention the pain of the marathon might, at least in my thinking, somehow assuage this horrible heavy pain of loss.

I know.

I am being naive.

But believe me, I know nothing can ever hurt more than the pain of losing someone precious in your life forever. So I don't think for one second running a marathon is going to do that. But. . .

Okay, I know this notion sounds totally masochistic--and really I am not like that-- but I can't help but think if I indulge in a little physical pain I can somehow manage the mental anguish a little better. Yes, it may be an apples to rutabaga thing but it is the best I've come up with so far: because physical pain, in my opinion, is always easier to manage. You can name it. You can placate. You can get through it. It is this other pain-- this loss--I just don't know what to do with; how to manage. Shrug, I guess my thinking is if I can manage the physical pain then maybe I can manage the other. Maybe so, maybe not.

Also, I think running for almost 4 hours is a nice way of praying.

So yeah, that is why I want to run the full.

My problem is this cold I now have and the weather says a possibility of thunderstorms. I would rather not run through rain on race day. Certainly, I'll do the half in rain but after OBX I really don't care to pack it in for a full marathon in the cold, pouring rain--especially if I also have a cold. Just sounds like a recipe for pneumonia.

So what do you think? Encouragement would be helpful. Opinions please.

I have to register by Sunday. Cost for half is $35. For full it is $50. I can switch--or register-- at the expo to either the half or the full but the price for both goes up. So if I register for the full and switch to the half I don't think I have to pay any extra. But if I sign up for the half and switch to the full then I will have to pay $35 more.